It has been three weeks now and it feels like three days. Everyone keeps telling me that I will feel better with time but so far all time has done is make me miss my husband even more. I get our kids to sleep at night and then it is my time to lay down and cry. I wake up just before dawn and then my mind begins reliving every moment of every week leading up to September 27th. What did I not see? What did I not hear him say? What could I have done differently? Why? Why? Why? So very many questions run through my mind but not one single answer. I spend part of almost each day sitting at the cemetery asking Al all of these same questions and still not one single answer. I desperately wish for the time that a Sunday morning is not spent watching every minute click by on the clock just wondering.
I need to make sure that all of you who keep emailing me and leaving me voice mail messages know how much I do appreciate them. I read them and listen to them over and over but I just can't find the strength to talk yet. Whenever I run into someone I know, it's all I can do to hold it together long enough to say hi and not run the opposite direction and hide. I hope that all of you understand how much you mean to me and I pray that you will all still be there when I am ready to talk.
It is overwhelming that so many of you have been so generous to me and my kids. I have received many cards and such heartfelt letters. All of the donations are so generous and kind of you and mean so much to me. They are appreciated more than I can possibly express. It is terrifying to me that Kylie and Jake are dependent entirely on me to support them now. I am very lucky to have family and friends like you to help me.
I am doing the best I can for the moment to keep Kylie and Jake in their daily routine. They are both back at school and doing very well. I am amazed at how wonderful their teachers and parents of their friends have been through this. Having so many of them come to Al's funeral and for them to give extra close attention to Kylie and Jake at school. It makes my leaving them at school so much easier. A lot of you have asked if I need help with them after school. Thank you for your offers of picking them up and having them over to play. In time that will be great. For now, I watch the clock all day waiting to be able to pick them up and bring them home with me.
One thing I know for sure is that each time I look into Kylie's eyes I can see her dad. She has his beautiful eyes and his fun spirit. Kylie is always feeling her happiest when she is sure everyone around her his happy. When Jake smiles he has his dad's mischievous yet loving grin. Jake definitely has a heart of gold just like dad.
I am proud to have married such a smart, caring and fun loving man. I know with all my heart that he loves me and our children. I also know that he loves all of you. He is missed deeply with every minute of every single day.
All our love,
Stacy, Kylie and Jake
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Donation Update, yet again....
I understand that some people are still having trouble with either Chase or Paypal (no fault of yours, they're just a pain!) and I apologize.
If you are able to go to a Chase branch please make sure you email me first at annikatm@hotmail.com and I can give you the direct account number for the Alfonso Mata Benevolent Fund in benefit of Stacy, Kylie, and Jake Mata. It should be under the account name but many branches are still asking for the account number.
OR
I have also updated the Paypal option as a non-profit organization but please be aware that they do charge us a small processing fee. Although for convenience, we are very happy to do it! (it's a small price to pay and also allows us to keep track of who donates a little more efficiently).
Please, this is to benefit the family for their losses and ultimately for Kylie 7, and Jake 5, for their future trust accounts.
Love always,
Annika
If you are able to go to a Chase branch please make sure you email me first at annikatm@hotmail.com and I can give you the direct account number for the Alfonso Mata Benevolent Fund in benefit of Stacy, Kylie, and Jake Mata. It should be under the account name but many branches are still asking for the account number.
OR
I have also updated the Paypal option as a non-profit organization but please be aware that they do charge us a small processing fee. Although for convenience, we are very happy to do it! (it's a small price to pay and also allows us to keep track of who donates a little more efficiently).
Please, this is to benefit the family for their losses and ultimately for Kylie 7, and Jake 5, for their future trust accounts.
Love always,
Annika
Monday, October 5, 2009
One Week
It’s been one week since my brothers passing. We are still trying to make sense of all this but yesterday was my mom’s birthday and we took Kylie and Jake to the pumpkin patch. I was reminded that life goes on whether its birthdays or traditions or holidays, especially for the kids. I realize there will be ups and downs and it will be especially hard for all of us as Al’s FAVORITE holidays are upon us like Sand Sport Shows, Thanksgiving in Glamis and The Sema Show as well as all those other silly traditional holidays ;). Our lives will be forever changed by the loss of my brother but whether we realize it or not our lives have already been affected by his living influence which is more powerful than the grief that we have had to succumb to.
Friday’s services were beautiful and our family couldn’t have asked for anything more. Al rolled out in his Chevy red ride draped in gorgeous white flowers and chrome trim. So AL, right? And Jake never left his side, he wanted to stay with daddy as Kylie quietly mirrored her mothers emotions. I can’t remember what I said to fill the silence at the beginning of the services but I did hear what Stacy said and if we can do anything for her and the kids it is to continuously remind them and help them understand how awesome Al was in personality, business and as a father, brother, husband, son and friend. I can’t say we are doing better but our hearts are a little more at peace with each passing day, hug and fond Al memory.
If you were able to comprehend Father Tom’s sermon through your tears, he spoke a lot about the emotions brought on by Al’s passing. I particularly feel angry and I’m sure we will all go through motions but to know that I’m not alone in my sadness, anger and guilt is a step in healing. I hope to heal and learn from my mourning and hug everyone just little tighter from now on.
So, now it’s Monday. I’m back to work and I’m sure it looks like I brushed my hair with a pillow (classic Al quote), but I’m here. Tonight I will go back to school. And this weekend ill work my ass off to catch up and get my head and life back on track best as possible after this major derailment because I know that’s what my brother would want me to do. He would tell me to suck it up and say hey “your legs aren’t broke and while you’re at it will you make me a grilled cheese? And a Dr Pepper with ice….thanks”
Friday’s services were beautiful and our family couldn’t have asked for anything more. Al rolled out in his Chevy red ride draped in gorgeous white flowers and chrome trim. So AL, right? And Jake never left his side, he wanted to stay with daddy as Kylie quietly mirrored her mothers emotions. I can’t remember what I said to fill the silence at the beginning of the services but I did hear what Stacy said and if we can do anything for her and the kids it is to continuously remind them and help them understand how awesome Al was in personality, business and as a father, brother, husband, son and friend. I can’t say we are doing better but our hearts are a little more at peace with each passing day, hug and fond Al memory.
If you were able to comprehend Father Tom’s sermon through your tears, he spoke a lot about the emotions brought on by Al’s passing. I particularly feel angry and I’m sure we will all go through motions but to know that I’m not alone in my sadness, anger and guilt is a step in healing. I hope to heal and learn from my mourning and hug everyone just little tighter from now on.
So, now it’s Monday. I’m back to work and I’m sure it looks like I brushed my hair with a pillow (classic Al quote), but I’m here. Tonight I will go back to school. And this weekend ill work my ass off to catch up and get my head and life back on track best as possible after this major derailment because I know that’s what my brother would want me to do. He would tell me to suck it up and say hey “your legs aren’t broke and while you’re at it will you make me a grilled cheese? And a Dr Pepper with ice….thanks”
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Al and Friends
These are pictures that friends of Al have graciously contributed, if you have any to share please email me at: annikatm@hotmail and I will add them.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Service Information
Services for Al Mata will be held on
Friday October 2, 2009 at 11am
St Catherine of Alexandria Catholic Church
in Temecula
We will be gathering in the church hall at 11am where we can share pictures, memories and a memorial book for all his friends and family to sign.
Mass will be at 12pm in the main church.
Burial will be at 1pm at the Temecula Cemetary immediately following the mass.
Our family would also like everyone to join us at Al's moms house afterwards to celebrate his life. For anyone that knew Al, he was the life of any trip, party or conversation and we would love to continue this tradition in his memory.
St Catherine of Alexandria Catholic Church
41875 C St
Temecula, CA 92592
951-676-4403
Temecula Public Cemetary
41911 C St, Temecula, CA 92592
Theresa Mata (mother)
29830 Del Rey Road
Temecula, Ca 92591
Service Update
I undersand everyone is very anxious for service information and we are looking to a Friday service and burial in Temecula. We have been working diligently with Evans Brown Mortuary to secure times and locations. Hopefully I will have that confirmed by this afternoon and I will update the blog accordingly.
This is all so surreal and Al is truly blessed to have such wonderful friends and family. We wouldn't be able to get through this tradgedy without all the love an support.
Love you all and please pass on this site to those who would like to stay updated as well as stay close to our family.
Love,
Annika
This is all so surreal and Al is truly blessed to have such wonderful friends and family. We wouldn't be able to get through this tradgedy without all the love an support.
Love you all and please pass on this site to those who would like to stay updated as well as stay close to our family.
Love,
Annika
Paypal Information
Directly from Paypal's Site:
"It's free to receive money from friends or family in the U.S. when they send the money from the PayPal website using their PayPal balance or their bank account."
The paypal account is set up directly to the Alfonso Mata Benevolent Fund.
Please try not to use debit cards or credit cards because there may be fees. Your own personal paypal account or bank acount info is best to donate from.
Or please visit any Chase branch directly, I called and they cannot accept payments over the phone.
I am also able to deposit checks in the name of Stacy, Kylie and Jake Mata into the account as well.
Annika
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Donations
Again, our family is so overwhelmed with the love and support from everyone and we cannot express enough our gratitude through this difficult time. We have had requests for donations so I have set up a benevolent account for Stacy and the kids that will help with Al's services and eventually go into a trust for Kylie and Jake.
As for flowers, our dear family friends at Wes' Flowers have been absolutley amazing. But if you so choose, a donation is welcomed in lieu of flowers as well.
The account is set up with Chase, so you can contact any branch. Please reference "Alfonso Mata Benevolent Fund"
I will try to post an online paypal donation option as well.
Thank you,
Annika
As for flowers, our dear family friends at Wes' Flowers have been absolutley amazing. But if you so choose, a donation is welcomed in lieu of flowers as well.
The account is set up with Chase, so you can contact any branch. Please reference "Alfonso Mata Benevolent Fund"
I will try to post an online paypal donation option as well.
Thank you,
Annika
Pictures
Im trying to pull together some pictures of Al for both services and also for our family to keep as memories. Even though we have a ton, his friends were his life and I know you captured moments that we would love to see. If you have any pictures that you would like to share please email them to me at: annikatm@hotmail.com
gracias,
Annika
gracias,
Annika
A Message from Stacy
While I am at a total loss for words, I did want to post a message on behalf of Kylie, Jake and myself to thank everyone for their calls, messages, thoughts, and prayers. I promise to get back to you all as I find the strength to talk, but in the meantime, please know how much I appreciate your concern and caring.
As I try to make sense of this reality, I have no answers and so many questions. My immediate focus is on our children and protecting them from details and conversations that may add to their confusion. I plan to collect tributes like this from everyone who loved Al so that I can share them with Kylie and Jake as they get older to help them understand and remember their dad. I want them to always remember how special their dad is to so many people. I always told Al that he has the biggest heart of anyone I know - he has so much love for his friends and family.
Over the months and years to come, I hope you will help me ensure Kylie and Jake are reminded of their dad's love for trucks, motorcycles, sand cars (all things fast), and most of all his love for them. I am so grateful to see glimpses of Al in our children everyday. Our lives will never be the same.
All my love,
Stacy
stacymmata@gmail.com
As I try to make sense of this reality, I have no answers and so many questions. My immediate focus is on our children and protecting them from details and conversations that may add to their confusion. I plan to collect tributes like this from everyone who loved Al so that I can share them with Kylie and Jake as they get older to help them understand and remember their dad. I want them to always remember how special their dad is to so many people. I always told Al that he has the biggest heart of anyone I know - he has so much love for his friends and family.
Over the months and years to come, I hope you will help me ensure Kylie and Jake are reminded of their dad's love for trucks, motorcycles, sand cars (all things fast), and most of all his love for them. I am so grateful to see glimpses of Al in our children everyday. Our lives will never be the same.
All my love,
Stacy
stacymmata@gmail.com
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